General Disclaimer:
This is a fan fiction based on the television series Xena: Warrior Princess. All characters, locations, quotes, etc borrowed from the show belong strictly to the original creators and whomsoever holds the ultimate copyrights. There is no intention of copyright infringement or profit wherein this fan fiction is concerned. The remaining ideas, storyline, characters, etc are but a figment of my fevered mind and I will bear full responsibility for them.
Other Disclaimers:
Violence is inevitable and may even be overly graphic since a certain Warrior Princess is involved hence anyone who may be uncomfortable with such depictions are advised to avoid reading the stories.
The underlying theme for these stories is a loving consensual relationship between two adults of the same gender. There may also be scenes describing or hinting at sex between others of the same gender, different gender, different species, different tribes. Violent sex scenes may also make an appearance in these stories. Any person(s) uneasy with any of the sexual content above should leave this site now.
In the event that you are under the legal age wherever you may reside or it is illegal in your country to be exposed to any of the contents listed above, please do not proceed to read any of the stories herein.
Please note that I will not be responsible for any trauma resulting from a failure to heed any of my warnings above.
Author's Note: This excerpt is believed to have been written after The Quest.
Growing up in Potidaea, I never imagined that a woman could aspire to be anything more than a mother and a wife. When I was really young, my greatest wish was for a handsome prince to come along, sweep me off my feet, and carry me off to some faraway kingdom where we would live happily ever after. All of that changed when I met Eramos. His stories about his experiences as a travelling bard ignited a fire in me that I didn’t even know existed. As his apprentice, I finally found myself daring to dream of a different future—a future in which I could be more than what society and my would-be husband dictated that I should be.
Of course, I wanted to be a bard. But I also dreamt of being a hero, like Hercules. Or maybe a hunter, like Atalanta. Or join a band of adventurers, like Jason and the Argonauts. After I left Potidaea, I thought I would be a warrior, like Xena. But, never in my wildest dreams, did I think that I would be an Amazon. Or that they would one day make me Queen…
If Terreis hadn’t given me her right of caste one year ago, I would not be in line to take over as Queen of the Amazons. Back then, I hadn’t known what accepting the right of caste meant. And I really didn’t have a choice. She was dying. What was I supposed to do? Deny an Amazon’s last wish? Overnight, I became an Amazon Princess. I didn’t have a say then. But I do now.
I am not the naïve little girl I used to be. I am one year older. That means one year wiser. As the Amazon Princess, the mask of queenhood was rightfully mine. No one could contest it. But I could give it up if I wanted to. I knew what Ephiny was asking of me, and I made the decision to accept the mask of the new queen with the full understanding of what that would entail.
One year ago, I wouldn’t have made this decision—I couldn’t have. I had only been travelling with Xena for a few months. Most of that time, I didn’t know which way was up; much less have the confidence that I would be able to lead the Amazons, and lead them well. But I have learned a lot from Xena since then. And I’ve also learned a lot about myself in the process. I know I have what it takes to be a good leader.
But none of that matters now. In the morning, I will hand over the mask of the new queen to Ephiny. She deserves it. With her as queen, the Amazons will be in good hands. And I will continue my journey with Xena, as I have done for the past year and a half. She’s my home—now, more than ever.
Why? You may ask. Well… My relationship with Xena has changed. At least, I think it has. With Xena, it’s often hard to tell.
If I am honest, it all still feels kind of surreal. I keep expecting to come awake any moment now and find Xena’s lifeless body lying in the sarcophagus. That—would have been absolutely devastating—given everything that has happened since Autolycus gatecrashed Xena’s funeral and let out that pathetic attempt at her trademark battle cry. I could hardly believe what my eyes were seeing or what my ears were hearing. But my heart knew, even before my brain could begin to comprehend what was happening. It was Xena. She had returned.
I hoped she’d returned for me. But I never got the chance to ask her. There wasn’t enough time. And yet, I got my answer all the same. I don’t know if it was something I said, but the look in her eyes—it changed. I knew that look. Or, at least, I thought I did. It used to set my heart all aflutter. But, this time, there was something different about it. Something that made my heart skip a beat. Or was it two? Suddenly, there was a charged quality to the air.
I didn’t understand what was happening. This was a side of Xena I had never seen before. She was leaning in, her eyes half-lidded, her gaze fixed firmly on my lips. It made me self-conscious, something I hadn’t felt around Xena in a long time. She was supposed to be my best friend—my family. But in that moment, she didn’t feel like any of those things. I didn’t know what to do with myself. I couldn’t look away, so I closed my eyes. That was when I felt it—the pull. It had been there all along. But I’d been so caught up in my head that I hadn’t noticed it.
My body responded all on its own. I think I might have pushed myself up onto my tippy-toes. I was drawn to her, much like a moth to the flame; I couldn’t have stopped myself even if I wanted to. When her lips touched mine, time stopped. Our lips moulded together, as if they were two halves of a whole. For the first time in my life, I felt complete. If I thought kissing Perdicus had felt right, it was nothing compared to this. I wasn’t coming home… I was already home.
Obviously, this isn’t the first time Xena and I have shared a kiss. We’ve had our fair share of kisses over the course of our travels together. But those have been friendly pecks on the cheek. The one time she kissed me on the corner of my lips, was when Perdicus and I were married. At the time, I thought she’d been aiming for my cheek and missed. Now, I am left wondering if it wasn’t a secret confession of sorts. At least, I don’t have to wonder about this kiss. There was nothing ambiguous about it. This wasn’t a spur of the moment kiss. No, it felt almost inevitable—as if it had been a long time coming.
If there’s one thing I regret about the kiss—it’s that I didn’t get to enjoy it longer. I can’t pinpoint the exact moment when I realised I was no longer kissing Xena, but it has to be when I felt Autolycus’ moustache and beard brush against my face. They tickled. His lips were also thinner. Then again, maybe it was all just in my head. After all, Xena was in Autolycus’ body at the time. Who else could I have been kissing? But his hand on my butt? That threw me for a loop. Judging from his reaction, he was as surprised as I was.
Later, when I tried asking Xena about that incident, she neither confirmed nor denied it. However, it did lead us down a very unexpected path—at least for me. We revisited the kiss—again, this time in her own body. And it didn’t stop there. All I can say is—Xena had her hands on more than my butt…
This is ridiculous! Why am I being all coy and cryptic in my own private journal? No one is going to read this, except for me. And I really want to document everything, so that I can look back some day and relive our many firsts—our first kiss, the first time Xena looked at me with more than just friendship or kinship in her eyes, our first time together as lovers…
It happened out in the open, in the middle of nowhere, and in full view of everyone and anyone who might have been watching. If I had time to think about it, I probably would have put a stop to it all. I don’t think I am a prude, but I am not as comfortable with my own nudity as Xena is. And I probably never will. But I was too caught up in the moment to notice our surroundings, or to care about anything other than the feel of Xena’s body against my own.
Xena was—gentle… So unbelievably gentle. And yet, her every touch stoked a fire within me—the flames licking at my skin, raging fast and furious—until they threatened to engulf me. But just when I thought I would be forever lost, her lips would claim mine, anchoring me back to the present, and to her. I was the parched desert sand, and Xena the life-giving oasis.
I thought I knew what pleasure was. As a bard, I talk about it all the time. And I have personal experience in the matter. I was, after all, married—albeit briefly. But nothing could have prepared me for Xena. She is a force of nature all unto herself. She made my body sing with such exquisite pleasure that the phantom sixth toe on my right foot was cramped into a tight curl, right along with the rest of my remaining ten toes. I was strung so tight with all that sweet delicious tension that my fellow Amazons, safely ensconced in their homes miles away, must have heard my screams as she brought me to my ultimate release. I don’t think I have been so wanton in all my life. But I would gladly do it all over again.
Dare I say that Xena has well and truly spoiled me for all eternity? I mean, after tonight, I cannot imagine making love with anyone else. And that scares me. What if, I never get to experience this feeling again? What if, when I wake up in the morning, everything returns back to normal and life goes on as if nothing had ever happened between us?
Xena has always kept her emotions firmly under wraps. She never once let on that she had any sort of romantic feelings towards me. That had always been my main gripe—that Xena didn’t reciprocate my feelings for her. But now I know that’s not true. She had just been hiding them from me all along. Which begs the question: why is Xena giving in to those feelings now?
I know the dead can hear our thoughts when we think of them. Xena must have heard me confess my love for her. Is that why she no longer feels the need to suppress them? Surely she must have known all along. It’s not as if I tried to hide it. I am an open book. She knows how I feel about her. And yet, she has kept me consistently at arm’s length.
Was it all because of Perdicus? We were to be married—that is, before I ran away from home. Did that make me off-limits to Xena? Or did she believe I still had feelings for Perdicus? If that was the case, I can see why she might have deliberately distanced herself. And then there was that whole mess with Callisto. But I don’t see why any of that would have mattered.
Gods! This is doing my head in… I should just go ahead and ask her. But is the answer really worth rocking the boat right now? I think I will just wait and see what the morning brings…